Gender, Gender Identity, & Sexual Orientation

Before I respond to a parent/family member who informed me that they do not want anyone who is perceived (or self-reported) homosexual or transgendered to be caring for, educating, and/or interacting with their child, I would first want to understand why they feel the way they do and try to address any concerns they may have with regard to their personal feelings and beliefs.  As far as responding to a parent in a program about a teacher (regardless of gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation), I always focus on the teacher’s individual accomplishments, skill, education, and dedication in the early childhood field and that as professionals and a professional program all personal bias is identified, explored, and kept out of the classroom.  I think for me it is safe to say that if a parent has problems with a teacher’s personal life style that this may not be the program for them.

            I have heard terms such as fag, homo, sissy, tomboy, and lesbo used as an insult throughout my life.  It is amazing how many times I have heard some of these terms used as an insult towards another child and even more amazing to find out that half the time the child using such terms had no idea what they meant, but had heard their parent use the term (negatively).  I currently work with children age two to four years, so dramatic play and dress up is a free for all.  I cannot tell you the number of times a father has come in to find their son wearing a dress.  While a number of fathers understand development at this age, I have had to diffuse some intense situations where the fathers have directed very negative statements at their own sons using the terms gay, faggot, and sissy as they strip their child of the clothing expressing extreme displeasure in their child’s dress choice.  I first have to remind parents that these are not terms we use in the program environment because they can negatively effect any or all of the children that hear them, then explain development, gender, and identity development during this age range, just what children may learn during dramatic play, and ultimately try to find some common ground of understanding of their beliefs and concerns while maintaining a safe healthy learning environment for all children.   

            I think the hardest thing about working with families is reminding them and even helping them understand that while the program is trying to meet their needs as a family we are trying to meet the needs of all the families in our care keeping all children’s best interest in mind.  It is helping each family realize that the program serves more than just theirs.